Our little Family

Our little Family
Our Little Family

Friday, November 19, 2010

2 Months this Week

My dad has been in Heaven for 2 months now.....I bet he is having a blast with a humongous dairy and being with both my grandpa and opa.  It is still so hard though!  Why is he gone and no longer with us here?  How can Heaven be amazing without us there?  Is there no sense of time there, so he does not feel it like we do?  These are the type of questions I ponder.  Goodness I still miss him!  I just still stay achy a lot of the time.  I keep plugging along, and am striving to "live my life," but you still just have it constantly on your mind.  It just builds and builds and sometimes I just have to look at pictures or listen to the song my sisters and I dedicated to him at his funeral, "Daddy's Hands" to let the tears roll down my cheeks.  Often times, Brandon is with me in these moments.  He looks at me with such sadness, and he tells me again how much he hates this for our family.  He misses him a lot too.  I ask him, "Why! Why is this true? Why!"  Of course what answer can he give, other then the one everyone says, " I don't know Alison." 
I have been feeling homesick.  I want to see my family and be with them.  I want hugs from my mom and sisters.  I want a hug from DAD.  I was already missing him so much when he was at the dairy, and now I miss him sooo much more knowing he will not be there when I get home to give that hug with his enormous hands wrapped around me.  It sucks!  I am anxiouis about going home in some ways.  It will be the first time back since the whole ordeal, and I think the real reality of his absence is going to hit me hard.  I will just have to lean on the support of everyone and enjoy my time with all the other wonderful people who are anxious to see us.  Dad would want us to have a fun Christmas.  He wants us to laugh and be festive.  He loved Christmas.  One of the cutest memory I will hold of him at Christmas is his craziness of candles that day.  I am suprised the house never burnt down! haha.  My mom always knew this about my dad, so she would buy tons of candles that matched her Christmas colors for him to light.  Sure enough though, it was never enough, and he would start pulling out every candle of every color (yellow, pink, light blue, etc) and light them as well.  So cute!
Well, I just wanted to write a bit.  My mom went the other day and visited my dad.  His pretty plaque had been placed over his grave, and it looked really nice with the wheat framing the edges.  It was just so painful to see his name with an ending date.  It was a visual reminder of how real this all is.  But, this did happen, and now we all have to learn how to cope with it and enjoy things as much as he did.  He would be so sad if we didn't.

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